Jeff "Tookie" Williams Plays With Self, Misses Start.

So, in typical Backbone fashion, my Beast in the East Jeff had a sweet start to his season. Believing he had plenty of time prior to his start, he ran off to fondle his junk in the Port-O-Let. As he completed his "mission" he realized that his class of racers had gone already, and he was at least 200 yards behind. Proving you won't go blind by doing this, he took off and managed to get back in the top 5 before his brand new pedals exploded. The right side came completely apart mid-race, and after all that work, "Tookie" had to take a DNF for his season opener. XPEDO is replacing the pedals as we speak, and Jeff will now take a colostomy bag in his chamois for any pre-race bowel evacuation he may feel necessary to complete. I love this story, it just gives me SO MUCH to work with! I will be nice, though, because Jeff is a nice guy, and can probably beat my ass...unless I just fell on him and crushed him like a mighty Redwood.