ORALE VATO! Cinco de Mayo Is Here!

When they are this loaded, even you have a chance. O.K., probably not. Tequila would kill them before they dated you.





Today is the official Holiday Of Abel Vaca-Nava-Lava-Java-Guava-Balaklava-Vaca!! He is probably sitting at the Spearmint Rhino on Oxnard and Sepulveda Blvd in the Valley right now, getting all F****D up on Natty Light and spending money he doesn't have on girls he'll never get. That's O.K. though, because Vaca is Messican. Today is HIS DAY...even though he probably isn't really sure why.









Randy Rush after his liver and kidneys failed from alcohol poisoning...or is it Bert?









You see, on this day in 1862, the Messican Army defeated the French occupying forces under Napolean III's direction while trying to collect a pile of cash from local Messicans. Napolean III hated the United States, and was in north eastern Mexico to stay...or so he thought. Under the guidance of Benito Juarez, Abel's relatives (not Papo's..his were taking a siesta from the ganja) attacked the French and sent them packing.




The ancient Messican ritual of Dinosaurification. This species was known as Tortillalottapus.





















What happens when good Tequila goes bad....








Why anyone would feel extraordinarily joyous over defeating the oxymoronic French Military is baffling..but they do, and for that I get to drink Tequila tonight! Yaaaaaay! Funny that the French even have a military, the last decent thing they did was get Indians to help us beat the English in the War Of Independance.
Oh well...back to the story...










This is an example of how Abel came to America. Turns out the Border Patrol really DOES need funding!





SO ANYWAY....if you are gonna get all to' up, at least stop and buy some Amino Vital "Kampai" anti-hangover-pills. They may be from the land of the rising sun, but it'll keep your moon from falling down.









Abel smiling after he saw Chrissy Bono in her Bikini at Navajo Lake for the first time.



OK, ok...damn...I am just picking on Abel! Rest assured you all will be in trouble on National Cracker-Ass-Cracker Day, so don't be all uptight..sheeesh!