Sasquatch Trio Found In California

Southern California has seen a flurry of Sasquatchian activity this year. Turns out the Santa Monica Mountains have been a place of much activity. These upright bipeds are known to be male, and run in packs of three. Going by the names "Ara, Darter, and Brent," they have attempted to assimilate into a degenerate style of human life known as "mountain biker." Probably realizing that mountain bikers neither bathe nor shave, the ruse would last much longer than if they tried to enter the normal workforce.


("Ara," here at a restaurant in Solvang. He apparantly felt a connection to the buffalo head, perhaps mistakenly identifying him as a relative.)





Mountain bikers are typically smelly, hairy, and kinda slow-witted, so these animals have some success in their endeavours. Wearing the customary clothing, these beasts have managed to even land spots on a local mountain bike team, Backbone Adventure Cycling. With course hair bristling from the well-designed Backbone team artwork, these male Yetis manage to carry on as though nothing were amiss. Are human mountain bikers that dim-witted? Time will tell.






Known as "Brant Hutton," the newest of this gaggle of sasquatches seems to like the ladies. Here he is seen displaying aggresive mating rituals with the resident team females. His real mate could not be reached for comment, and has declined use of her likeness in this photo, taken shortly after "Brant's" transgression. She is presumed to be living in O.J. Simpson's old house in Brentwood as it has been vacant for some time.



(Jane Doe, "Brant's" recently disavowed mate.)







The one they call "Darter" has been seen in the Topanga Canyon area. Often passing human riders at local races in CA and UT, he seems to posess a super-human ability on a bicycle. Frequently seen with what can only be described as a life mate, this female human has large muscular protrusions on her thighs. this may be due to the nocturnal mating rituals of the Sasquatch, whose physical prowess exceeds that of a normal man.













("Darter" and mates child, "Lumparwump.")










The one called "Ara" seen here having a moment of joy, probably after a recent livestock kill. This breed of Sasquatch looks to be slightly hairier. With a strange dilaect, it is assumed that this is a hardier sub-species from the Iran/Iraq border areas of the Middle East. they are known to drink abnormally large quantities of beer and are fans of the soccer club, Arsenal.