"Let's Try Not To Do It."

"Let's TRY not to do it tonight." She says this so we can attempt to get more than five hours of sleep. In her defense we haven't been getting much of that, so I kinda understand the argument. But what is this "it" we are to try and avoid? Are we going to try NOT to strap
ourselves to a jet car and launch over the Snake River Gorge like Evil Knievel? Should we try not to strip Pluto of it's beloved status as a planet? What was it, and what other big "it's" were mistaken in history?

Napolean's military commanders undoubtedly had the same conversation with him as they approached winter on the frozen Russian steppes. "Hey, you sawed-off runty little prick, how about we try not to do it?" Well, the tiny-man was also unclear on what "it" was and decided to lose his arse in a finger blackening Soviet winter. Seems like Hitler had that same conversation with Eva Braun the night before declaring war on Russia. She was probably also talking about sex, and she didn't want to do "it" in the cold concrete of that bunker below the Reichstag. Results weren't much different for the H-man, were they?

Another great it was when France decided to actually create a military. Why? Who actually thought a nation of tiny, smarmy wino's would make a great fighting force? "Jean-Jacques, let's make a military so zat we can buy weapons." Andre probably said "Let's try not to do it tonight." Jean Jacques thought he meant fermented grape-juice infused man-love, and proceeded with his military idea. The "Maginot Line" became the greatest waste of concrete ever devised by the hands of man, and one can find entire rooms full of French military rifles. They are in great shape, they have never been fired and only dropped once!










There was a great Monty Python skit wherein an enormously fat man sat at a dinner table. Having eaten himself into a small planetoid, complete with gravitational pull, he is asked by the waiter if he would a like a "very thin mint." The fat man says he could not possibly do it.
He is convinced, once again being possibly unclear as to what it was. He exploded. I don't want to explode, so I am afraid next time she looks at me and makes such an ambiguous comment, I must ask for clarity. Is that so bad? Clarity
would have helped us explain what a"dangling chads" were. It would have explained why U.S.A. Cycling decided to schedule the Firestone NCS race the same weekend as Sea Otter for next year. It would explain why races in Ohio are twenty seven dollars, have t-shirts included, food, and well supported race venues, and are on time. Do you think that USA Cycling sat in their office the night they screwed over Mary McConnelough and decided to allow her to get passed over for Olympic selection in 2005 on a secret technicality only one rider knew about, thinking "hey, let's try not to do it tonight?" Probably not.

So here is my request for all the ladies out there....clarity. It may keep us from thinking you actually WERE o.k. with us blowing off our anniversary and going to the Spearmint Rhino nudie bar. We might not be so apt to fart in the bed and laugh if you don't say "it's no problem, really," if you really just wanted to say "can you try not to do IT tonight?"

As the lights drew down, and we began to get horizontal........we so did it! Y'know..fell asleep.