Spring Is Coming!

Wehe, with that twinkle in his eye for spring. He can be reached at Neverland Ranch....





That's right kids! Although every other state in the union gets sunlight most of the time....here in Ohio we are beginning to see that big hot thing in the sky once again (and I'm not talking about Grace Jones in "View To A Kill"). Sunday was a bright, sunny and tropical thirty-two degrees. Despite the phallis withering temperatures, I squeezed my oatmeal-in-a-pair-of-pantyhose looking self ino my team kit and rolled out. The Ti-Tomac rolled fast through Upper Arlington and out to the north end of the outer belt (270fwy), thanks to my KENDA Kwick Rollers. 120 minutes of spin time after Easter's "wheel o meat" breakfast was great.

It was great to see the sun again. I rode in my Backbone Team thong, having put it on backwards for maximum sunlight on my bulbous backside. Coming from Riverside (the 909), we saw blazing hot sun even in December most years. Here in Ohio, sunlight is a commodity many would pay handily for. This time of year, Casper the Friendly Ghost would be like "Damn, those people are WHITE!" I guess that's what always made me laugh about tanning booth companies in California....HELLO...it's free morons! Just go outside! Going outside here in December means 15 degree temps and ice everywhere...and I mean everywhere. That's right...I said everywhere.

I think we may have sunlight now for the rest of the stupidly short season here.
It's amazing for me to think that our forefathers had this entire continent to settle on (it made no difference who owned it back then, people squatted anyway), and they chose the frozen North to do so. Why would you move from Sweden (my family) and move to Minnesota? Why even leave? Hell, Sweden's warmer most of the year anyway! Sea Otter is coming soon, and even that is no guarantee. For those who haven't been yet..bring a rain coat and shoes you can throw away. The rain that falls almost every year for at least a day or two is so all-encompassing, not even the tightness of a gnats-ass is waterproof...and Randy would know. OK that was messed up, sorry.

So my cries for sunlight and mountains shall go mostly unnoticed by the heavens again. I will go home and stare blankly into the warm and inviting glow of the 25 watt bulb in the neighbor's e-z bake oven, and dream of the inferno that is St. George in August....