Brant Breaks Britney Badly

America's mess, Britney Spears was hauled off this morning at 4a.m. from her home near Kanan-Dume road in Malibu. She fought the cops briefly, mumbling the name Brant. Actually she was saying "Brant is a bastard!" She was carted off in a large gurney in her Elizabeth-Taylor-esque mumu to the hospital for mental evaluation. She apparently was looking at the Backbone Adventure Cycling team blog and saw these photos of her then lover, Brant Hatton (allegedly). Enraged that he was seen with skinny women, the great land-manatee of a fizzled pop-starlet scooped up blow like Chevy Chase in "Modern Problems."





Unbeknownst to Brit-Brit, the girls are actually on his team. Vanessa and Dawn, while hotties, weren't actually playing "hide the peg." They were just warming up at a race! I hope that Brant can live down the mess he has created with this petite flower of a woman. She was so sweet and innocent before him, like when she was with that nice fellow, Kevin something or other...




Anyhow, best of luck to Brit and Brant. I hope that the baby in her tummy (that CAN'T all be from cheese-doodles and Labbatt beer) lives through the ordeal, because Brant needs the child support later when he sues her for birthing a crack baby. I wonder if crack babies are fast on a bike....is "crack baby" considered a performance enhancer?