Monday, October 12, 2009

Natural Solvents

In elementary school we all learned about "natural solvents." These include wind and water, which given enough time can move (or REMOVE) mountains. Scraping away and eroding solid rock, natural solvents peel away the surface of just about anything given enough time. As a cyclist, I feel that the scientific community has left that list a wee bit short. There are numerous other things out in the great wide world that cause scrapes and the peeling back of flesh and bone. For me, water and wind only begin to scratch the surface. Hey! See what I did there? "...scratch the surface," get it? Wow...just amazing really...ok, back to the story.

**The hike to Cascade Falls near Navajo Lake, Utah is a prime example of natural forces at work.**

Asphalt should be upgraded to the list of natural solvents. While blasting down the back of Highway 33 from Big Bear to Redlands, I peeled a tire off a rim at about 60 mph. I can assure that the "erosion" of my shorts, gloves, hair, skin and muscle tissue happened on a much faster scale than the marching of the glaciers. Asphalt is often misconstrued as bowel trouble, but it is in fact a very dense and scrabbly form of roadbed. I liken it to a bunch of broken bits of glass while my helmet is skipping across it at stupid speeds.

Tree bark is also in need of some upward mobility. Long destined for it's job as protector of the tree, this splintery and jagged surface should also be moved into the realm of "natural solvent." As a mountain biker hurls his/her body through the woods with reckless abandon, the aforementioned item stands in silent opposition to the intrusion on it's turf. It waits patiently until that anodized purple ONZA H.O. bar end you have had since 1993 bull-horns it's master. It springs to life, separating skin from sinew and turning what was once a single collar bone into two entirely different things. Bark's work as a natural solvent happens significantly faster than the wind and sand eroding the great temple of Karnak.

I am not able to change such things as the table of natural solvents, but when I do get that invitation to Geneva for the scientific summit, rest assured that I will be well prepared to argue the case for all cyclists.

Oh..I forgot one. Front bumpers are also damn fine natural solvents. I think we can all agree on that!

**The 1955 Mercury Montclair in Sea Foam Green. My first car, and the last thing I would want to see on a bike ride.**


At 12:02 PM, Blogger rushman said...

dude you got issues......


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