Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Blame Billy Joel

*I had that same look when I found out, too.

Few things annoy me more than when some puny human upsets The Natural Order Of Things. Once this happens, the world becomes mired in darkness for a century or so, until the balance is set right again. I have been harboring this grudge, and scientifically monitoring the happenings after the event in question since that fateful day, March 23rd, 1985.
That was the end of days....the day that would lead to a slow downward spiral for all humanity. It was the day that Billy Joel managed to, INCONCEIVABLY, get Christie Brinkley to marry him...and ultimately bear his mutant offspring. I have not been the same since.



**How could we have let it happen? Christie Brinkley? To Billy Joel?


Growing up, I was led to understand that even if you had LOADS of money...you still couldn't get a Christie Brinkley if you were a (just for the sake of argument) Billy Joel. It was not to happen, EVER....not for any reason. Why? Because if it did, glaciers would melt, the Earth's temperature would rise, and we would all become mole people. Well, it's happening. The glaciers are melting and the earth is rapidly gaining degrees. I have seen "People Of Wal mart" photos, and the mole people are here now, too.


***REALLY? ARE YOU LOOKING AT THAT?


Not helping the global temperature increase was the marriage of the Lilliputian actor Tom Cruise to the statuesque Amazon Queen, Nicole Kidman. Once it was over, Nicole said that she was glad to be able to "...wear heels again." Nice. But it was not her fault. You must blame Billy Joel for screwing with The Natural Order Of Things.



****Tom Cruise pictured in the foreground (red coat and crown), welcoming Gulliver to his island.



Even though Tom Cruise gets a double-wide trailer in HELL for also wedding the EQUALLY as statuesque and attractive Katie Holmes, I still must hand blame to The Piano Man. It was he and he alone who must bear the brunt of creating a virtual "Turd In The Well" of the human genome project.

That being said, there is a funny little bit of irony here. This major shift in the Space-Time-Continuum has led to something equally as bad. It's hard for all my guy friends to swallow, and even I frequently scratch my toupee in confusion over how it all happened. You can all blame Billy Joel for it as well. Humanity will never be the same....



Thank you Billy Joel, you beautiful-ugly little bastard....

1 Comments:

At 3:31 PM, Blogger rushman said...

I guess the jist of this whole thing is short,fat ugly dudes should'nt score very hot chick's or it fucks up the universe???? so maybe we or you should get this info to the tree hugers of the world so they will stop with all this environmental BULL SHIT, but then again you might not want to do thay look what you scored!!!!!!!!!

 

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