Sandbaggin'

As I sat amongst the sticky rubber goods in the KENDA TIRE booth on Sunday morning, I was excited to watch Randy's XC race. Lined up an hour early was a guy who seemed to be at least Semi-Pro (judging by the size of the fritter-like muscles busting from around his knees), but THOSE guys raced Friday! He began to warm up on a windtrainer with his full team kit, and seven thousand dollar Specialized carbon mtn. bike. Was it Filippe Mierhagge? Nope, it turned out to be a SPORT racer in the 40-49 age group. Wow. Really?
"Sandbagging" has a definition in both the UCI and USA Cycling handbooks. Under that term, you see no text at all. In both booklets, you see a photograph of Team Sho-Air's Expert XC racer Johnny O'Mara. He apparently has an understudy in the Sport class, and so I began my subliminal assault on the few guys I knew who had been in that class (and winning) for years.
Before the start gun went off, I was heckling them from the start gate asking questions like.." Y'know, I forget...HOW many times can you podium before you are supposed to move up? " and "Hey Randy, how many SANDBAGS should I bring to the podium for this class later?"
It was really silent. You could feel the joy from the REAL Sport riders (the ones with hairy legs and beer-bellies), and the utter hatred from the few guys up front at whom the comments were directed. God I love that, because at 6'3" and over 200lbs, I know they are pissed but are too tiny to do anything about it. SO..........

The gun goes off, and the "few" immediately gapped the entire field by ten minutes in the first 100 yards. Turning top 10 Expert times each lap, these guys were an embarassment to my mountain biking roots. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pissed that they are fast...I'm pissed that they are still in the class they won the past five years in a row. Riders like Ray Caballero, Bert Blanchette, and Chrissy Bono all moved up, despite the fact that they never beat the first place riders in their categories. Bert has been Semi-Pro for some time now, while the "Johhny-O-Show" continues to win every expert race in the country. Bert never came close to him, but podiumed nonetheless, and moved up into a class where the average riders age is 15 years younger. Johnny-O still wins all his races by eight minutes or so, going for his coveted 42nd national Championship in Expert. Nice job, your mom is real proud I'm sure.

As the first lap comes to a close, the two guys I was heckling the most came through (as expected) several minutes ahead of their group. To ad insult, one of them completely ignored the course markings at the start/finish parade lap and cut the course. This saved him 30-40 seconds, and was brazen even by MY low standards. What KILLED me was watching the UCI/USA Cycling course officials let him go. My limit for bullshit having been reached, I promptly filed a two-pronged protest. On one hand, I wanted him DQ'd for course cutting. On the other, I wanted his race history checked and his arse moved to the appropriate category. Thanks to my Badger-Like tenacity to write the wrongs of mountain bike racing, I pressed this protest for HOURS until it stuck. Not only did he get dropped from second to LAST, more importantly, he was FORCEABLY moved up to Expert by the race officials. Damn skippy.

I will make it my mission this year to clean up the amateur ranks and try and restore this sport to it's rightfull enjoyment factor. Join me or die....