Randy And Brant's Tattoo's To Do Epic Battle!

It's been coming for some time now. I have been trying to diffuse the situation for days. It looks like despite my attempts at preserving unity, it will go down anyway. It's on LIKE DONKEY KONG! Randy and Brant's tattoos are gonna get it on Hell's Angel style! After some mild trash talking, their tat's began a shoving match that lasted long enough to reach an impasse. Now, like two nuclear Super Powers, their tats will be a couple of mushroom-cloud-layin' mo-fo's. Check the VS. network for a possible pay-per-view special or something. It's gonna get downright INKY up in here!

The Fuzziest Takes Fifth Overall.

Well, he finally did it. Shave his neck hair, you ask? Nope. Get off the Federal Government's "No Fly List?" Nope. Register his johnson as a Weapon Of Mass Destruction? No, no, no....he managed to SQUEEK OUT A FIFTH OVERALL EXPERT CLASSIFICATION in the National Championship Series! How cool is that? Not bad for a brotha' fom the Glendale Projects! Whupdey-WHOOP!

Holla' Biznatches!

C

Big Things At Backbone

No, I'm not talking about my man-boobs. I am talking about all the stuff you guys have not been aware of that I am working on! The OLD team website is undergoing some MASSIVE changes for 2008. You guys will love the new look, and we will actually have UPDATED rider bio info! Also, I am preparing a really nice Media Kit for Interbike, and for you guys to use as a promotional tool (in case you may know of a potential sponsor).
Also, I am working with some bike clubs in New Zealand! I am planning on taking our little team to the global market, and picking up a gravity racer in the southern hemisphere. Details on that coming soon, as is the press release to the cycling publications we all know and love. I will e-mail you all the artwork as soon as I get it finished, and we'll see ya at the show!

Christerphizzle

Vegas Bob To Puke!

World Famous Vegas Bob is heading to Lost Wages (Las Vegas) this weekend for a road race! He will be doing an UPHILL TIME TRIAL that will cover 5,357 feet of climbing in just seventeen and a half miles. A fountain of vomit will surely ensue, reaching heights equal to that which can be seen in the sky over Tempe, Arizona. Wish the Bob good luck as he flies up the hill in his old home town.

ALSO....Vegas Bob finished in EIGHTH PLACE OVERALL in the National Champioship Series as an Expert! Great finish, Bob, and good luck this weekend....

Valencia Sport Group Starts On-Line Purchasing!

Jay running the new ROYAL DH gear at the 2006 Firestone race.




Jay and the peeps at the Valencia Sport Group have decided to take it to the people! They are now offering online purchasing from their wherehouse of remaining overstock. That's big news, and even bigger savings for people looking to land pro quality riding gear at a beginner-class budget. If you are unfamiliar with their brands, they are the purveyors of 661, Sunline, and Royal brands.



The 2007 Sunline layout, created by Backbone DH racer Jay Schippers!



To order, log on to www.valenciasportgroup.com and start buying stuff! Jay isn't that busy, so this will help keep him moving in the wherehouse during those cold winter days...

Abel Vaca Sightings!

I must admit, I never thought I would see the day when Wet Design would release Abel Vaca-Nava from his conscripted job in Macau. Seeing all the pics from all these races across the West that he has been coming to has been great. He was the Grill Master General at Castaic, had made the trip to Colorado (or was it New Mexico?
Both?) Even going to Big Bear to support his peeps! Abel called me last night, but as many of you have experienced, I get no service in my house. I e-mailed him this morning, but if any of you see him, tell him "Orale Vato!" for me, o.k.? PACOIMA IN THE HOUSE....

C

Rim Nordic Finale w/ Brant, Vanessa and James

I haven't received a Rim Update yet, so I am gonna deduce from the photos that james has on his site that Vanessa took second at the race, but WON THE OVERALL TITLE! Please note the huge-mongous muscles on that gils legs. Her quads are trying to be like Heidi's, and that could be big trouble for expert girls next year.
Great job attaining that overall victory, Vanessa!

Brant had a good weekend, too. He finished second overall in the series as an Expert! I haven't heard much from Brant since his addition to the team (hint-hint) and hope he reads the team blog so he may send me an e-mail or something. OOPs! sorry...I seemed to have dropped a hint somewhere...

King James also rolled out quickly, and landed a second place overall in the Sport class! James has been riding high on great podium finishes that have been hard-fought every time. Great job you knuckle-heads!

C

Margaret Grey Eyes

Margaret Grey Eyes was the last of the Wyandotte Indians. Her father was said to be Squire Grey Eyes, a man of mixed British and Indian heritage. Her family had lived in the Grand Reserve, a twelve mile by ninteen mile reservation in what is now Wyndot County. She had attended the reservation's (called a "mission" by whitey) first school, also helping to build it's first church. She and then husband David Young and their children were moved to the res. in July of 1843. They were amongst the first to enter the Kansas City, Kansas facility. She and second husband John Solomon returned to Sandusky, Ohio in 1865 to live out the rest of their days. Her community efforts had earned her the nickname "Mother Solomon." She died in August of 1890, but not before returning once more to the Great Reserve in Kansas one last time.


****Mother Solomon's Chair***********************

Ryan's Rim Nordic Story

So.... we all know that Mini-Hurt has been racing on his bike for about 6-7 years, (please no corrections) but this moment at Sunday's Rim Nordic race takes the cake. If you have ridden the course at all you should know that about half way through the race/ride there is a fire road about 8-10ft. wide. Ryan "get hurt" (New nickname) Blanchette had the lack of brains to turn away from a bush located about 4ft away from him. It all started when I was thinking about Chris’s plumber crack when I saw a bush on the side of the trail. In a daze from my previous daydream that left my pants soaking wet (with sweat don’t get ahead of me) I felt compelled to take a closer look. So I glared at the bush... how it softly waved in the breeze the whole time tricking myself into thinking I was going straight. Before I realized it I had a close encounter with the bush giving me a scratch or two on my right leg. I said (Roger look away) “SON OF A B&^#%@. GOD I CAN’T RIDE IN A STRAIGHT LINE!!!!!” Well instead of going to a shrink or keeping it bottled up inside me and having it form into a tumer on my pea sized brain, which in fact would make it increase in size, I suck it up and tell you guys and then you laugh at me while I stay in my room all day coping with the embarrassment. Oh well there has to be one jackass of the team and I WANT THAT TITLE SO DON’T STEAL IT FROM ME DAMN IT, IT’S THE ONLY THING I GOT TO LIVE FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Mini got Hurt

Vanessa's Bloggage

My sources of entertainment come in many forms. Vanessa's blog is one of those sources. It's a guilty pleasure that makes me laugh until spit-bubbles form on my lips. The entry entitled "Heading To Mayberry" is my favorite. The responses from people who can't seem to figure out that these things are actually entertainment are really quite funny. I may actually have laughed more at the ridiculous (and often poorly spelled) attacks on Vanessa's person, than at the blog article alone. Please, for the love of GOD, go to www.vanessahumic.blogspot.com and read that entry and the corresponding responses.
"Yankee?" Really? How many of the people in the South still believe they actually FOUGHT in the Civil War? You are thirty, forgive my math, but I think it's impossible for you to have actually earned the right to say "Yankee." Dorks..get a date.

USA CYCLING SCHEDULING GENIUSES!

The rock-stars over at USA Cycling decided to schedule a National Championship race the SAME WEEKEND AS SEA OTTER for 2008. I'm serious, they really did...NO, I am not kidding! HONESTLY! They really did! No lie, I swear to god. What? Don't believe me? Look it up! Oh, I guess it doesn't matter, they have never EVER stuck to any schedule they have ever created. I'm sure they will eventually move all the Nationals to Guatemala, and have all of them in the same week........

Hydrapak's Newest Pack For '08

Hydrapak Introduces a New Hydration System– the Reversible Reservoir II

August 9, 2007 (Berkeley, Calif.)—Hydrapak ,
creators of innovative and advanced hands-free fluid delivery, unveils its
new Reversible Reservoir II. This faster to use, more intuitive reservoir
includes an updated closure debuting in its 2008 pack line.










Hydrapak’s unique Reversible Reservoir II
†drink system incorporates
the easy on, easy off, Slide Seal. The plastic slider forms a complete seal
over the folded reservoir top. The reservoir can be turned inside out for
complete cleaning and drying. The wide mouth makes adding ice cubes and
sport mixes a breeze. The reservoir is constructed of FDA approved durable
polyurethane – strong enough that it can be stretched many times its
original length without failing.


****Kate from Hydrapak, Sea Otter 2007.******







The new patent-pending slideseal closure replaces the hook-and-loop fastener
used in previous years.† “People loved the fill-from-the-top approach and
ability to turn it inside out, but people had a hard time believing the
hook-and-loop closure really worked.† Our new closure keeps the benefits of
our previous design with a simple closure that gives positive feedback when
it’s sealed – It’s an amazing improvement,” states Matt Patterson of
Hydrapak.








The new Reversible Reservoir II also features the Plug-n-Play
connector, a
push-button connector allowing the drink tube to be removed from the
reservoir for easier filling and cleaning. A shut-off insert valve keeps
liquids in the reservoir when tube is removed. The Co-extruded drink tube is
constructed of taste-free inner lining combined with a kink-free outer
layer. The package is complete with the patented Easy Flo Bite Valve
. The softest bite valve on
the market delivers high flow with ease and has a simple one-handed
push/pull shut-off. Replenishment is easy with Hydrapak’s new and versatile
Reversible Reservoir II.

***The Fuzziest, showing off his Hydrapak at Sea Otter 2007******






Launched in 2001, Hydrapak was introduced to satisfy the growing demand from
athletes for personal hydration systems. Hydrapak creates the best hydration
systems available for any activity and encourages athletes to get off the
bottle! † For an overview of Hydrapak’s
technology, visit www.hydrationist.com . To
view all packs and accessories visit www.hydrapak.com
or call 510.595.8318.†

"Let's Try Not To Do It."

"Let's TRY not to do it tonight." She says this so we can attempt to get more than five hours of sleep. In her defense we haven't been getting much of that, so I kinda understand the argument. But what is this "it" we are to try and avoid? Are we going to try NOT to strap
ourselves to a jet car and launch over the Snake River Gorge like Evil Knievel? Should we try not to strip Pluto of it's beloved status as a planet? What was it, and what other big "it's" were mistaken in history?

Napolean's military commanders undoubtedly had the same conversation with him as they approached winter on the frozen Russian steppes. "Hey, you sawed-off runty little prick, how about we try not to do it?" Well, the tiny-man was also unclear on what "it" was and decided to lose his arse in a finger blackening Soviet winter. Seems like Hitler had that same conversation with Eva Braun the night before declaring war on Russia. She was probably also talking about sex, and she didn't want to do "it" in the cold concrete of that bunker below the Reichstag. Results weren't much different for the H-man, were they?

Another great it was when France decided to actually create a military. Why? Who actually thought a nation of tiny, smarmy wino's would make a great fighting force? "Jean-Jacques, let's make a military so zat we can buy weapons." Andre probably said "Let's try not to do it tonight." Jean Jacques thought he meant fermented grape-juice infused man-love, and proceeded with his military idea. The "Maginot Line" became the greatest waste of concrete ever devised by the hands of man, and one can find entire rooms full of French military rifles. They are in great shape, they have never been fired and only dropped once!










There was a great Monty Python skit wherein an enormously fat man sat at a dinner table. Having eaten himself into a small planetoid, complete with gravitational pull, he is asked by the waiter if he would a like a "very thin mint." The fat man says he could not possibly do it.
He is convinced, once again being possibly unclear as to what it was. He exploded. I don't want to explode, so I am afraid next time she looks at me and makes such an ambiguous comment, I must ask for clarity. Is that so bad? Clarity
would have helped us explain what a"dangling chads" were. It would have explained why U.S.A. Cycling decided to schedule the Firestone NCS race the same weekend as Sea Otter for next year. It would explain why races in Ohio are twenty seven dollars, have t-shirts included, food, and well supported race venues, and are on time. Do you think that USA Cycling sat in their office the night they screwed over Mary McConnelough and decided to allow her to get passed over for Olympic selection in 2005 on a secret technicality only one rider knew about, thinking "hey, let's try not to do it tonight?" Probably not.

So here is my request for all the ladies out there....clarity. It may keep us from thinking you actually WERE o.k. with us blowing off our anniversary and going to the Spearmint Rhino nudie bar. We might not be so apt to fart in the bed and laugh if you don't say "it's no problem, really," if you really just wanted to say "can you try not to do IT tonight?"

As the lights drew down, and we began to get horizontal........we so did it! Y'know..fell asleep.

White Castle: The Midwest's Dirty Joke

So I have lived in central Ohio for three months now, and just today managed to do something I have been told I MUST DO each and every day. Go to White Castle, and eat a burger. I liken this pressure to that which single guys get from their married friends. "Come on, tie the knot, settle down...it's not what you think..you'll love it!" Sooo..being completey stupid, you bite. Then, you realize that your buddies are miserable, and just wanted you to be miserable too. Then they start in with the baby-talk. "Come on, man, don't get a PET..have a KID! It's not what you think..you'l love it!" Soooo....forgetting how much you like drinking, tittie bars, money and sleep, you bite. Then you realize your buddies wanted to do it to ya all over again. Secretly, they mock you. Laughing maniacally each time you bite, they remember the time THEIR buddies got them on the same joke. Ha. Funny. Yukkity-F*****G-Yuk.

So it is with White Castle. Lydia has begged me for weeks to go and "experience" all that is White Castle. Today, after the morning meeting...it was on. I rolled to Kenny and Hayden streets, where the local purveyor of such delicacies could be found, and strolled in. My heart was all atwitter with thoughts of such treats as the Double Double from In-N-Out, or a Guacamole-Bacon-Six Dollar Burger at Carl's Jr. Yukkity-Mother-F*****G-Yuk. As my tray appeared at the counter, I saw what may qualify as an edible food product..but for what animal? From which planet? It clearly mustn't have eyes, or taste buds. I heard someone call them "Sliders." I am only assuming that they were referring to the effect they would have on your bowels as they passed through the lower g.i. tract.

I consumed four "sliders" and a "chicken ring burger thing" and was deeply saddened. Not for the five dollars and change I just spent..OH no..I was pissed that I was HAD. I was had, and I knew it. As I ate that first bite, I knew Lydia was laughing her ass off. Somehow, some way, she knew...and was tasting the salt of her tears as she riotously chuckled and told her friends. I will get even. This I swear. So I held up the remaining "burger" for inspection. As I lofted the patty from it's doughy perch, daylight shone through it's onion-skin-thin meatyness. The "burger" was encrusted with an onion-like product, probably akin to "Mockolate."
That was it, that's the whole thing.

I began to weep. That led to anger. That led to a trip to the restroom. The "Slider Effect" was in full overdrive, and I was about to pay the piper. For any one of you who have moved here from the West Coast..Don't Fall For It! Just tell your frinds that home prices are really affordable in California near a place called "San Andreas Fault."

C

Tahoe DH Race Report & Update

The weekend at Northstar was awesome as usual, I
think some of the other summer time resorts in the
region could learn a thing or two by watching how well
Northstar takes care of their trails, and how well the
whole place seems to be organized. I was most
impressed by the irrigation systems put in place on
their more popular trails to keep the dust down and
improve the overall quality of the ride. Mammoth
Mountain, take note of this!












The course at Northstar was even more brutal than
the last one, and my bike has the scars to prove it.
The weekend cost me a derraileur hanger, an X.0
derrailuer, a Hayes 8" rotor, and finished off what
was left of my rear wheel (which now resembles an
octagon). With trail names like; Vietnam, Dog Bone
Slabs, and Karpiel, it couldnt have been anything less
than the roughest of the rough. After a few practice
runs and doing my best to destroy my equipment, I had
an urge to drink lots of Mountain Dew and scream
"EXTREME" every time I passed someone. Hopefully your
guys can relate to the feeling, I guess it was just
one of those courses. But even with all this carnage
and some awesome rim dents, I didnt suffer a single
flat tire the entire 3 days of riding.











I wound up racing in the Open-Pro class this time
after a friend threatened me with great bodily injury
if I raced anything less than Pro. My race run went
off without any major mistakes, and landed me in 6th
place out of about 20 riders. I didnt make it to the
podium, but I was thrilled to be that close to the top
5, in the Pro class, and at one heck of a rough course
that claimed many innocent rims, tires, and bodies
over the week.
And.... Being the Rhoades Scholar and MENSA member
that I am, I once again forgot my camera in my haste
to get the hell outa Riverside and leave for Tahoe
this weekend. No new pictures, sorry Cap'n Chris!

************************************************************************************

Hey Chris,
I looked at the Northstar web page, looks like I
actually placed 7th in that race, and not 6th. Just
wanted to make sure you get the correct info on the
blog page! There must have been a protest or a late
racer cause I was deffinately in 6th when my class
finished Sunday.

Heidi and Darter To Marry!

That's right folks! Heidi and Darter are finally gonna get legit, tie the knot and have a bunch of super-fast little bambinos that will beat down all the local L.A. riders while still attached to their mom. Heidi has informed me that she and the D-Man are tired of doing it illegitimately under the watchfull eyes of the J-Man up in Heaven. Time to tie the knot. maybe they can adopt kids from some small African nation like Brangelina! Congrtas you two, hope we can make it the wedding!

Valerie Having Baby #2!

That's right everyone! Backbone Alumni Valerie is having her second baby! When karl finds out who the father is, there is gonna be SO much carnage, I swear. Val and Karl are trying to replace the team's older vet racers (like Heidi, Darter, Bert, etc..) as soon as possible. Kate at Hydrapak has designed a hydration pack for Karl to wear during their nocturnal mating rituals, and SIGMA is in developement creating a special heart rate monitor for him to wear. KENDA will provide the condoms..sticky-rubber of course!
I am told that the baby will come on the weekend of the Camp-N-Ride, so we may miss them this year. Give Val a Holla' and say "nice job, mom!" Val and Karl already have the cutest baby ever, Cole. His sibling will have much to live up to...

C

Karl Officially Gets Old!

Backboner Karl will be officially joining the aged soon. His AARP card already in the mail, Karl will be turning the big 4-0 this weekend. As he sits on the porch in the Huntington Beach area where he and wife Valerie live, he'll be contemplating the early days when he did NOT have to wear an adult diaper or suck food through a straw. They say men get better looking as they get older, but poor Karl...(and Val)..he's all hunched over and wrinkly now. And that's not even talking about his bag, either, which is equally as wrinkly and looks like chewing gum rolled in cat hair.
Happy Birthday to Karl "I Will Beat Your Ass", wish I could be there for any shenannigans! Oh, and how did your OLD ass get Val knocked up again? Damn if that Viagra doesn't work wonders..:)

C-Ya man!

C

"Chucky-T" Races Pro In Tahoe!

Chucy-T (Charles-Taylor Libolt) decided to step up this weekend at Tahoe, California's Northstar Ski Resort. Moving up from Semi-Pro into Pro for his DH race, Charles "White Shadow" Libolt ran a phenomenal SIXTH PLACE! Replacing his beat-down Manitou Dorado fork (it saw him to a top 10 finish at the last Mammoth National KAMIKAZE DH race as a Pro) with a brand new Manitou Travis Triple Intrinsic fork, he blasted his way down the rocky and technical course to barely miss the podium. Great job home-slice! look forward to your race report soon....

Cap'n

Rim Update From Roger

hey boss,



here is the info on RIM NORDIC #3

I will keep this one short and sweet... we had 5 backboners at this event, Brant, Vegas Bob, King James, Randy and Vanessa...






Randy was there early to open the gate to let the rim nordic employees into the lot :), brant vanessa and i carpooled there and james showed up on time right behind us, vegas made a race car appearance but was ready to go!!!

Brant gave us a 1st place finish !!!! smoking 3 lap time of 1:45:14, see what and early night, no drinking and no girl chasing will get you... almost a photo finish 1st 2nd and 3rd place were all separated by about 30 seconds... nice finish B









Vegas Bob got a respectable 9th place 1:57:30... Vegas has been improving every race at altitude and we are going to chip in and get him one of those high altitude tents or a fat hooker with a patch or her eye or something take his breath away

Vanessa aka girl gone wild took a 1st place finish 2:15:54 what can i say the girl like to ride a bike










Randy got 17th place in the highly packed "puerto" sport class 1:33:44, once again stopping to jump/fall off his bike and chk out the bugs in the bushes... randy swears revenge at the next and last race there

King JAMES 10TH PLACE 1:17:17, what can i say what would explain such a drop in placement for the King??? usually in the top 3 and 10th whhaaatt??? maybe something happened, yep the king went back to his old ways, was on time to the event but decided to fine tune everything on his bike, be a business major and my 7 yrs of college to get my 4yr degree tells me that there is limit to time vs performance. it doesn't matter if everything is properly tuned if your FREAKING 4 PLUS MINUTES LATE THE START OF YOUR RACE!!!! so james don't sweat the small stuff and the big stuff will work itself out!!!

yours truly roger
pixs to follow
ps when are you coming back chris!!! the kids are getting to me :)


********We'll be coming back soon Roger! Plans are in the works, hang tight bud!***

Camp-N-Ride '07 Dates Set!

That's right, tird-burglers! The Camp-N-Ride will be set for Oct 12-14th, in Sycamore Canyon State Park! Go to www.reserveamerica.com for reservations! It can be found in the Pt. Mugu State park portion of the site. Sites are NOT reserved by number, they are first come first served, so I will get there EARLY Friday to nab the back corner again...See everyone there! Oh, and BETSY, you best be there!!

Chris

Snowmass Nationals Photos

Roger and Vanessa preparing for shenannigans..












"Serious Bob," the new action figure from Mattell (complete with lead based paint from China!)













Vegas Bob's rolling start















Vanessa ready to race














James on top of SOMETHING, and it's NOT my mom! haha:)














Kenda/Backbone warm up tent














Vanessa sets out for some pain and suffering














BOB GOT CALLED UP AT THE START! Top 5, baby!















Colorado scenery














Roger's Finish Line!!!